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a bit of the old ultra violence
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[29 May 2007|11:17pm] |
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mood |
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 pensive |
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music |
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belle & sebastian |
] |
the idea of a rockstar intrigues me.
a life in music is something, it seems, is something a lot of people wouldn't mind being. i think music is interesting. i don't think there will ever be another huge music wave sweep the world like the birth of blues, the birth of rock n' roll, and similar events.
i say that because i think it could only happen under the circumstances that were present at the time of the wave(s). with technology advancing, people started hearing different kinds of music. dylan-type musicians just happened to be making different music and be up and coming of the time of new technology, allowing more people to discover music.
these days, the sole idea of music is to be different. everyone is either writing new music or trying to come up with new chord progressions. i think the vast amounts of information we can access at any time has lowered how much new music is worth, and, in relation, i believe the idea of a new genre declines proportionately.
kinda sucks.
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[22 Apr 2007|04:21am] |
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mood |
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 drunk |
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music |
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decemberists - as i rise |
] |
i think i want to move soon.
and i don't want anyone to come with me or tell me goodbye.
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| one more thing |
[28 Mar 2007|02:04am] |
i've been thinking about descartes a lot lately - that stuff is phenomenal and matches exactly with what i am experiencing thought-wise right now.
the only way to prove the truth value of something is to assume the exact opposite of said thing(logically speaking) and attempt to solve a proof of that. the only thing that cannot have the opposite proven is thought. obviously, even in trying to prove existence wrong in and of itself, one is thinking. therefore, the phrase "i think, therefore i am" is probably the most accurate description of human life to date. it simply states that all we can know for sure is that we are "thinking things" - that is it.
descartes also questions the reliability of the senses, which i find fascinating:
"To further demonstrate the limitations of the senses, Descartes proceeds with what is known as the Wax Argument. He considers a piece of wax: his senses inform him that it has certain characteristics, such as shape, texture, size, color, smell, and so forth. When he brings the wax towards a flame, these characteristics change completely. However, it seems that it is still the same thing: it is still a piece of wax, even though the data of the senses inform him that all of its characteristics are different. Therefore, in order to properly grasp the nature of the wax, he cannot use the senses: he must use his mind. Descartes concludes:
"Thus what I thought I had seen with my eyes, I actually grasped solely with the faculty of judgment, which is in my mind."
In this manner, Descartes proceeds to construct a system of knowledge, discarding perception as unreliable and instead admitting only deduction as a method."
that's wild. just...wild.
i don't know what to do anymore.
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[28 Mar 2007|01:54am] |
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mood |
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thoughtful |
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music |
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silence |
] |
what are things? what are tones? what is happiness? everything is relative and can be both explained and not-explained through circular reasoning...
why am i becoming such a border-line existentialist?
that's all for tonight.
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[26 Mar 2007|10:19pm] |
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mood |
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ponderous |
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music |
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pulp - common people |
] |
no one has to read these or comment. i just have been overflowing with thoughts lately and need somewhere to keep them, so i figured i'd start writing in here at night again.
lately i have been having weird flashbacks to a really bad weed experience i had. i wasn't feeling very well, and there was a party coming over to the house in denton, so i just wanted to go to sleep. so, instead of doing my preference of just drinking, i smoked a lot to try and put myself to sleep.
well, to make a long story short, i ended up driving home about 30 minutes later because i was freaking out so much. i thought i was god for a good 30 minutes, and thought i was in hell for a couple hours - ridiculous stuff like that.
towards the end of my bad 'trip,' i willed myself to forget everything i had been thinking; i told myself that if i remembered any of the theories i had made up the next day when i was sober, i would drive myself insane and be admitted into a mental institution.
the only problem is, i keep having little flashbacks - every day, something will hit me and i will lose all drive to do anything. i just realize how little everything matters and start to convince myself and it doesn't matter that the fuck i do, life is, ultimately, wasting time until i die.
but while i am wasting time, i do enjoy hanging out with friends. so lately, my task has been convincing myself that my mind is nothing special - that i can't "see things other people can't" - that i'm just here, having a good time, and going to school so i can support myself while having a good time for the rest of my life.
i just hope this is part of the whole 'finding yourself' experience. seems like college is the hardest part of life. from birth-high school, you're told what life is. after college, you have a degree in what life is for you and you do that for a good while. but in college, you have to decide what you want life to be about. the only 100% conclusion i have come up with so far is that no matter what happens, i have to remain happy and optimistic.
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[28 Nov 2006|03:32am] |
fuck that shit.
i dont ever want to hear that im anywhere near you ever again.
you make me sick to my stomach.
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[16 Oct 2006|10:32pm] |
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mood |
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 super pissed |
] |
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music |
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4rt76 |
] |
how is being #2 the same as being #11? what a fucking selfish, immature bitch.
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[09 Oct 2006|01:43am] |
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mood |
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 almost empty |
] |
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music |
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7 |
] |
man, just a sick-feeler i am. i wish i wasnt such a bitch. i hate....well, everything. lame. i dont even know what to say. it's like i feel horrible, so i think "maybe i should write something..." but then i get here and i dont know what to write...
and whats the point of live journal, anyway? to get our feelings out that we "dont want anyone to know about" slash secretly want comments and approval from friends and random people from california?
fuck that. fuck being sad. fuck emotions. fuck bitches.
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[04 Oct 2006|10:05pm] |
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mood |
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75800315 |
] |
| [ |
music |
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asasdsdwerf |
] |
haha i was just reading some of my posts from highschool - i was such a douche
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| why am i lame |
[03 Oct 2006|03:48am] |
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i am so tired of being me. i hate the way my mind works, i hate the way i act, i hate the things i think and the things that make me think them. i am tired of being so weird and i wish i was normal. i dont know if anyone knows any of this about me, because i think i come off very personable. but i just feel alone all the time. which is good most of the time.
its like i dont think i can connect with anyone. i have always looked forward to starting a family; thats my main reason for going to college is to be able to provide, but lately i just more and more see myself as some old bachelor playing video games by himself. i just dont think i can meet anyone i dont see any problems with.
on multiple occassions i have physically vomitted when i find out a girl was interested in me; and what makes it worse, if every single time its a girl im interested in. mutual interest makes me feel awkward and the only way i can stay in a relationship is if i cant tell if the other person likes me or not. but that makes me unhappy, too.
i lose interest if the girl trips on something. i lose interest if she chews with her mouth open. i lose interest if she tries to hold my hand. i lose interest if she wants to hang out with me. everything about every girl i have really liked disgusts me. im the most ridiculous person ever and i hate it. i wish i could be normal and just like someone and let them like me.
its almost like i dont feel comfortable around anyone, but i do - i feel comfortable around everyone. sometimes i get a semi-pompous vibe going where i think i deserve better than what im around, and then...
i dont know.
what am i talking about
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[02 Oct 2006|11:37pm] |
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everything is awesome and sucks balls - i want it all to stay and go away
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| "mandatory" lj survey. |
[15 Jun 2005|02:46am] |
elizabeth tagged me so i guess that means i have to do this.
List five songs that you are currently digging ... it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words or even if they're any good but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artist and the song in your blog along with your five songs. Then tag five other people to see what they're listening to.
1. Bloc Party - Blue Light
2. Ben Folds - Give Judy My Notice
3. The Decemberists - Mariner's Revenge Song
4. Front 242 - Unidentified Men
5. Michael Bublé - Come Fly With Me
I hereby tag YOU:
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) koujigenrou
armioq
littlegiggles
can_i_come_2
heeheeturtles - you better do this, mike.
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| bop-shoo-wop-shoo-wop |
[25 May 2005|01:38am] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
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broken social scene - stars and sons |
] |
things are great lately. i havent been on here in a while. im never home anymore.
im supposed to start waiting tables at chili's this monday. supposedly. i'll see if the manager sticks to his word. that could be pretty intense though. i bet i make siq tips.
i want to sleep more. i have come accustomed to sleeping naked as of late. im a big fan of it, and i used to not like it. at all. i have to admit it has grown on me quite a bit over the past few months, though.
i spent the weekend with mandy. thats always fun. full of chipotle/movies/pickles/cheese/bubbles/wine/tequila/palettes/love/scary movie searching/laughing/mexicans/almost anything else you can imagine.
i think im gonna go play video games now. and wait for my one am radio to download from ryan. panties.
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| sorry |
[10 May 2005|06:26pm] |
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mood |
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 meh |
] |
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music |
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elliott smith - pretty (ugly before) |
] |
hey, sorry if it doesnt seem like i update this thing much anymore. i still post a ton, actually more than i used to, but i only make it viewable to mandy.
nothing personal to you guys, its just stuff i'd only like her to see. i will make general posts still, but until everything is ok, im gonna keep stuff with her in a seperate category.
things with me are going alright. shannon's birthday party was fun. kim, chase and i rocked out to journey on the way there. gotta love journey. saw lots of old friends. always good.
i guess i should go apply at some places soon. i really wanna work at urban outfitters with john. that could be so much fun. i want to sit around all day telling people that i have really been getting into modest mouse lately. and wear shirts that say "the O.C. n' shit" - it'll be like an acting job.
i want chipotle. twice.
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[01 May 2005|08:32pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
] |
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music |
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silence |
] |
i dont like being lied to. or humored. or babied, in case someone thinks i cant handle the truth. or if they're too worried about themselves to tell me the truth because it might hurt my feelings.
im guessing that's abnormal? and i need to make this clear when i meet people? i just assumed everyone hated these things, but maybe im just weird and people just assume i dont mind them. i need to make a shirt or something...
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| wuv: |
[29 Apr 2005|01:45am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 worried |
] |
| [ |
music |
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your headphones |
] |
( yeah... )
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| bleh |
[18 Apr 2005|09:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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empty |
] |
| [ |
music |
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decemberists - engine driver |
] |
is anyone making a 'dallas > denton' trip within the next couple of days?
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| almost there... |
[09 Apr 2005|11:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 ridiculously pleased |
] |
| [ |
music |
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humming |
] |
hells yeah...thats right...what do you bitches know about
9.3
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